FMA The Return of Hughes
by King Of Nipples
Summary: The death of Mae Hughes devastated the fans, but now watch him come back and get revenge on the Homunculi. Also revived for some reason is Nina Tucker. Her death broke many fans hearts but now she has returned with Mae.


The beginning of Bonerfarts: Act I-The Neko kingdom

On a bright and sunny day nah just kidding, it was friggin gloomy and depressing, like my soul. We introduce the protagonist, . His name is unknown but we just call him Rezubian Dohragon ( Rezu for short). Now we begin our tragic tale of love,death,meatballs, and murder orgies. Rezu was navigating some jungle with Yamcha(his one eyed friend) and they were trying to find the lost neko kingdom ,they have been searching for 3 days for the friggin kingdom. Yamcha was stung by a crap load of wasp, so he passed out, So Rezu rather than making a camp and helping him, buried Yamcha. Rezu then got a phone call from a friend of his. Rezu said, hello, then the guy on the phone was panicking and Rezu couldn't understand a word he said, then Rezu said, slow down and start from the beginning, then he yelled, I WAS BITTEN BY A FLYING RADIOACTIVE NIPPLE AND NOW IM IN VIETNAM! NOW HELP ME YOU CHEESE STICK FU... Then Rezu hung up and he continued, but then he felt as if he was being followed. Rezu was running so he doesn't get molested by some unknown force. Then a mysterious figure appeared in front of him. Rezu was panicking, the he pulled a rock hard meatball out of his pocket and hit him in the head. The figure fell to the ground and Rezu inspected the figure closely, he was a dirt covered man with wasps stings, then Rezu checked his pulse, Then he yelled, OH CRAP I KILLED YAMCHA! Rezu knew it was a matter time for Yamcha to dig his way out of his grave, BUT NOW HE IS DEAD! Then Rezu suddenly had an idea, he reached in his bag and grabbed the weed of life, then he put it in Yamchas mouth and lit it. Yamcha woke up and he said, what is wrong with you, but he didn't seem mad but more relaxed, then he said how could you... ummm what am i mad about dude, his eyes were crimson. He said i am hungry give me some food, oh there's some, he began eating tree bark, it caused him to have ingestion for 48 hours, and it somehow made him higher, probably because of the mold and fungus on the tree. Then Rezu said i wonder how Butthole(another friend of his) is doing. Rezu then called Butthole, but all he could hear was static, then he listened closer, then Rezu heard a strange unearthly noise, it went MOO. Rezu said i will call back later. Rezu and Yamcha after 5 days of searching found the lost neko kingdom, Rezu said we are finally here, Yamcha said, Alright dude sweet. The reason they were looking for the kingdom is because Rezu needed the treasure to pay off a bet against the nipple guy from earlier ( I told he could not fit a hotdog in his nipple, but he somehow did it.) As they approached the kingdom they heard an alarm, it was a strange alarm, imagine a turtle having sex with a steel bucket, that's what it sounded like. Then a watch brigade of nekos charged at them, and they were armed with a dolphin firing cannon and midgets tied to a stick, Yamcha and Rezu thought the kingdom was uninhabited, but they thought wrong. They tried running but Yamcha passed out and Rezu tripped over a dead mexican dude with a boner ( HOW DID HE EVEN GET HERE AND WHY AND HOW DOES HE HAVE A BONER!?). The nekos captured them and brought them to Jigglycat the queen of the queen said to her neko brethren, Good work in capturing the interlopers who wanted the treasure, then Rezu said i swear i didn't know people still lived here, then the commander said silence fool. The Queen said what shall we do with the trespassers? Then the neko commander turned her with a sadistic look in her eyes, WE WILL HAVE A MURDER ORGY, she said in a demonic voice. Yamcha said, Nice, hit me with that orgy kitties. Rezu then said, oh no, aw crap, not a murder orgy that's the worst kind of orgy, haven't seen one of those since Adolfs gas chamber. Then one of the poor neko troops said, but commander we always hated having a murder orgy, me and my sister almost died during a murdergasm. The neko commander then said, it is an order, but the Queen said, this will be the final orgy, but this time only me the commander and her friends will join the orgy. The commander said, wait i have to join the orgy, are you insane! The Queen said, it is an order, and the neko troops said, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET YA CHEESE STICK FU-! Then Rezu said, I have one request before i get murder orgied, the queen said what is your request? Rezu said, don't use your claws, then she said, what your not trying to run? Rezu replied, i have been walking for 5 days, i dont have the energy run, besides this not the worst way to die, then he spread his arms and legs and said now end my life, along with my virginity. The queen said with a seductive voice, your an interesting one i will take you on myself, Rezu thought how should i feel considering he was about die, but by being raped by a neko with huge boobs. Then Queen Jigglycat said, now neko commander, finish the other guy. Yamcha said, alright sweet come at me, but then suddenly he suddenly become unintoxicated and said, wait what is going on, as the nekos were jumping on top of him. Yamcha was screaming in pain as he was being raped by 4 nekos at once, Then the queen said, you might want to stand back. Then the nekos reached murdergasm, and as he was about to meet his fate, then he lifted his thumb in a epic death scene, like Schwarzenegger in terminator. Then there was an explosion killing Yamcha, but the nekos survived since they just had the blessing of moses. Rezu said with a sad look, another friend lost in another murder orgy. Queen Jigglycat said, it is time trespasser, he said, it's Rezu, as she dragged him to her bedroom. He wanted to escape after watching Yamcha being murdersploded, but he was still accepting his fate. Jigglycat said, ok sweetie let's get started, Rezu said, well i guess it is the end, then he had an idea. Rezu was rubbing his arms frantically, then the queen said, what are you doing? Rezu replied i am RDOing ( Rezu dance off technique). The neko Queen burst out laughing, i dont think that is going to do anything, he said i should have known that would work as well as using hot oil as lube. The queen said, i haven't laughed like that in years. Jigglycat said, now we can start. Rezu came to a sudden realization, wait you cannot have a murder orgy with only 2 people, it is not strong enough. Jigglycat said, I do not wish to kill you i just want to get to know you better. Rezu said, how do i know you are not going to kill me, you are probably trying to seduce me to get the upper hand. Then Jigglycat said as she removed her shirt, I am queen Jigglycat, and i have been saving my body for over 20 years, and that is for a special person. Rezu stared at her breasts with a bloody nose and said, well you certainly live up to the name, and also what!?. She pushed him on the bed and started crawling on top of Rezu. Jigglycat said, i will not kill you, but i won't let a trespasser go so easily. Rezu face was covered by her boobs, and he said, mmmmmmffff hhmmmmmffff hmmmmhmmmmm. Jigglycat got her breasts off his face leaning over him saying, what's wrong sweetheart? Rezu said, well you were suffocating me, and i cannot leave? plus you may still try to kill me, but if you do please suffocating me more. Jigglycat said, as i mentioned i do not wish to kill you, i just want to get to know you better, the only way i would kill you is if you mess around with the other nekos or anyone else, and you can either stay with me and have some "fun" or go to the dungeon. Rezu said, quick question, she said, yes, Rezzie was it, he replied, Rezu and can i see the dungeon, i mean i will stay with you but can i still see the dungeon, she responded, yes you can see it. They went to the dungeon, but the room was filled with sex toys, sex dolls, and S and M gear. Jigglycat said, i have been saving this room for someone special. Rezu said, this suddenly got creepy, she then said, oh come on please, you can start a new life here. Rezu said, i had a life, but it was going nowhere, i was a lonely 21 year old guy who was working at a company ran by a corrupt, sentient sandwich, and i said as he was rubbing the queens head ,i will stay with you, i don't have much of a choice, and your a good but strange kitty. Jigglycat cuddled up to him saying you will not regret it, now we can get to know each other over dinner, Rezu responded i could eat. Jigglycat said, lets go, Rezu said you might want to put clothes on, she said oh i almost forgot, She put on a translucent dress, Rezu said, ummmm, nevermind it looks fine. Rezu and Jigglycat went forth to the neko town park, since they need to pass through to go to the restaurant. They made it to the restaurant, it was called Neko-Chan's Sushi and Erotica, it basically sold porn books and sushi. In the restaurant Rezu ordered teriyaki steak and rice and Jigglycat ordered sushi made from a nazi dolphin, it is called Adolfin roll. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted any desserts, Jigglycat asked for the giant chocolate eclair, it is 2 ft thick and 3 ft wide. Rezu asked how can you eat that and keep your body like that, she answered, my boobs absorbs all the calories, Rezu looked through her dress with a bloody nose and said, i can see that. Rezu ordered a cake special, but when he got the cake, he was unknowingly eating eyeholes. As Rezu was enjoying his cake, a purple man jumped through the window, and then he held up a megaphone and yelled, I AM THE EYEHOLES MAN, NO ONE CAN HAVE EYEHOLES BUT ME! Then the Eyeholes Man started kicking the crap out of Rezu. Rezu was laying on the ground, the Eyeholes man thought he killed him, then Rezu got up and pulled the same rock hard meatball out of his pocket and started beating the crap out of the guy, there was blood everywhere, and Jigglycat was cheering was eating the eclair, and it was also shaped like a penis. Then Rezu's phone started ringing, he said hold up its nipples guy, Jigglycat said, i will take over, she pulled a giant dildo out of a small purse ( Please don't ask) and started hitting him with it. Rezu got out of the restroom after he hung up, and they both were beating the crap out of the Eyeholes man, Rezu was covered in blood, Jigglycat somehow wasn't. They left after Rezu paid the bill even though Jigglycat was going to pay, he kind of insisted. Good news Rezu had a change of clothes, bad news it was one of Jigglycats see-through dresses. Everyone was staring as they both were walking back to the neko castle wearing see-through dresses, some even cried then shot themselves. They finally made it back home then Jiggly said, i'm tired. Rezu said, i'll sleep on the couch, she said, no your sleeping with me, as she took off her dress, his nose was bleeding even more and he passed out, she said, i will wait till the morning, but until then best prepare. Jigglycat pulled down his pants put a condom on his penis then pulled his pants back up, good night, she said. Jigglycat began to cuddle up to Rezu. Rezu woke up 3 hours later, while Jigglycat was still asleep to use the restroom. Rezu pulled his pants down and started peeing but the condom was growing bigger, he was freaking out, and yelled, WHAT'S GOING ON, good thing he was in a big castle so no one woke up. Then the condom exploded and urine got everywhere, at least the butler was alerted by the sounds of Rezu's screaming, although too bad for the butler that she walked in she as the condom exploded.

So this is the conclusion to Act 1, we honor all who died in the tale

Yamcha

Eyeholes man

Yamcha's virginity

I wish all of you a good night


End file.
